What is holding my IELTS writing back?

by JESSY

I HAVE GIVEN IELTS NOW FOR 6 TIMES.. IN MOST OF THE EXAMS MY SCORES ARE

L 8.5
R 8
S 8.5

BUT W 6.5..

I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR SITE CLOSELY AND BOUGHT THOSE TWO BOOKS... I DONT KNOW WHAT'S HOLDING MY SCORE BACK?

COULD YOU HELP ME PLEASE

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Jun 10, 2014
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IELTS writing problems
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

Post an essay here and I will try and give you some feedback.

Make sure you write it in the required time - 40 minutes exactly, no more (including viewing the question, planning etc).

Thanks

Jun 13, 2014
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esaayin 40 min
by: jessy

In many cities, security measures, such as the use of video cameras in public places, are being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom.

Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

It is certainly true that nowadays due to increasing offence rates, the government has strengthened the security measures. Although few argue that these methods limits their independency , I personally believe that it is a positive development.

To begin with, I believe the positives of placing cameras in public spots has got many benefits. Firstly, the incident of social crimes will decline rapidly and also the confidence of the travelers will shoot up. This is because these shooting devices would create a sense of fear among the criminals as they are sure that if caught they will be seriously penalized.

Moreover, the inhabitants of these areas would feel secured and confident , as they will realize that the legal authority is watching over them uninterruptedly. Secondly, there are good chances that the local business would flourish. This is due to the fact reason that on behalf of strict observations using these electronic cameras, the traders would remain open for long hours. For example, the supermarkets like Tesco, Sainsbury or Lidl stay open during late evenings with few staffs on work , only because they are confident that any illegal acts like shop lifting would be spotted out instantly. All in all, i believe these business expansions and high social security status would be impossible to maintain without the support of these mini cameras.

However, the opponents of this argument have got few convincing points as well. At first place they point out the fact that as their movements are being watched closely every minute they do not feel relaxed to carry on their jobs, like shopping or even light smoking on the streets. As a consequence, they do not feel to visit these supermarkets very often. Additionally, the youngsters claim that their social gatherings are being misinterpreted , if any crime occurs at that very spot at a later stage. No doubt, why few people vote against the camera system.

In conclusion, it is evident that there are few potential drawbacks in this project, I believe that benefits far outweigh any drawbacks. Therefore, the public camera system should be encouraged by all means for a safer tomorrow.

Jun 17, 2014
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What is holding my IELTS writing back?
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

I think it is vocab / phrasing that is holding you back.

Your general organization and answering of the question is better (though the second body paragraph is wrong because the topic sentence is one idea, but I'm not sure if the paragraphing got affected when you uploaded it).

I have placed your mistakes below - there are not too many and (mostly) they do not reduce the communication, but this many may be classed as more than 'occasional' errors, which is needed for a band 7.

Also, you have a couple of sentences that needed reading a few times to work out what you meant - this will be a problem.

GRAMMAR / VOCAB ERRORS

few argue = some argue

independency = independence

shoot up = too informal / not academic style

shooting devices = confusing - no such phrasing exists

feel secured = feel secure

the local business = local businesses

This is due to the fact reason that on behalf of strict observations using these electronic cameras, the traders would remain open for long hours =
confusing – needs rewording e.g. "This is due to the fact that the strict observations that come from using these electronic cameras mean that the traders could remain open for long hours".

spotted out instantly = spotted instantly

high social security status = high security status

opponents of this argument have got few = got several

At first place = In the first place

feel relaxed to carry = feel comfortable to do

like = such as ('like' is too informal)

they do not feel to visit = feel like visiting

…are being misinterpreted, if any crime… = no comma

No doubt, why few people vote against the camera system = confusing – Undoubtedly this is why many people do not support the camera system.

there are few potential drawbacks = some potential

I believe that benefits = the benefits

Jun 17, 2014
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reply
by: jessy

thank you so much for your comments.. I think I need to do more academic style writings... its really confusing , which is informal and which is formal style...... once again thanks a lot....

Jul 05, 2014
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THE BATTLE IS OVER AT LAST
by: Jessy

HI TEAM....heres the good news... by my God's grace and with the help of ielts buddy books I crossed this ocean successfully... the journey was long ...but thanks god its over.. From my experience.. IELTS buddy is the only book that tells u WHAT AND HOW to crack writing.. while most of the other books tells you WHAT TO DO...my advice.. don't waste time.. pray to Jesus.. trust him...buy the two books and complete this ielts business as early as possible... life is far beyond this worthless IELTS exam. THANKS IELTS BUDDY TEAM...

May 06, 2015
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16 days remain for me to write for ept test.
by: Anonymous

my weakness is vocabulary and ideas on writing task 1 and 2.Any help.thanks

Aug 13, 2015
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How can i improve my writing ?
by: Kalpana thapa bista

I feel I am little bit weak in vocabs, grammar and sentence formation as i belong to government school. could u kindly help me?

Mar 11, 2016
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its frustrating
by: Anonymous

This is my 9th attempt and this time i have got worst score ever:

W/S/R = 6 and L = 7.5 (in IDP Test), whereas my score used to in range between 7 and 7.5 in L/R/S except W = 6.5 (BCL-test).

Required band is 7.0 in each and overall 7.5, every time struggled in getting W = 6.5, however in three attempt got 7.5 and 7.0 in Writing but unfortunately Reading got 6.5. But this time....!!!!

This time practiced a lot with good coaching and unfortunately result showed me something else...!!
I don't believe myself how this had happened, after getting this score I am really frustrated.

If anyone can suggest how to dilute this frustration.

Thanks.

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