How can I improve my coherency for the IELTS essay?

by KOMIL
(TASHKENT)

You know it seemed very easy to write essay at the first time when I’ve started writing task 2 however when I submitted my assignments to my tutor he told me that you can make your sentences clearly but there some mistakes with cohesion you should follow the rule.

What kind of vital advices can you give which could facilitate of my writing process.

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May 25, 2015
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Writing Coherence
by: IELTS buddy

Hi Komil,

There is a lesson here about Essay Writing Coherence.

Also, try working your way through the links to all the Task 2 writing lessons on those pages as it may help.

Thanks

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Can someone comment on my coherence in this paragraph?

by leo liang
(sydney)

below is one paragraph about negative effect by IT, which i write for practising my coherence

Technology has led to significant improvements in people’s life, do u agree or not?

A particularly dire effect of developments in technology is lack of family bonding. This is because people’s behavior has been changed by modern technology. For example, in recent years the younger generation tends to enjoy their time on their online life such as checking facebook rather than interact with their families at their free time. If they expose to this situation for long time, they may only live in their own virtual world. As a result, it will not only decrease their communication skills, but also limit their social opportunities with people from outside.

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May 26, 2014
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Paragraph Coherence
by: IELTS buddy

Hi,

It looks good to me. Very easy to read and follow, and there is no repetition.

You have a clear topic / central idea to the paragraph, presented in the first sentence.

You give a reason for starting this, then provide a fully developed example, followed by the consequences of this.

Well done!

Jun 07, 2014
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Nice.
by: Harry Punjabi

The coherence part is perfect in my opinion. I would, however like to point out a few parts that you can improve. (My suggestions in brackets.)

A particularly dire effect of developments in technology is lack (or weakening) of family bonding. This is because people’s behavior has been changed (altered) by modern technology. For example, (nowadays)the younger generation tends to enjoy their time on their online life such as checking (Facebook) rather than (interacting) with their families (in) their free time. If they (are exposed) to this situation for long time, they may live (only) in their own virtual world. As a result, it will not only decrease (Or Harm) their communication skills, but also limit their social opportunities with people from outside.

Jun 09, 2014
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improve accuracy
by: leo

Thanks Harry Punjabi

i really appreciate that you can pay attenation to read my paragraph,and replace some more advanced words. my next goal is to improve my vocabalary that i want to use collocation accurately. this is a job that most difficult for non-native speakers

i have submitted several essaies in the fourm, but it seems have not approved by Ielts buddy.

hope more people can correct my essay in this website that i found really useful.

cheers

leo

Apr 15, 2016
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Check this out
by: Arvind

Hi,

I have completely re-written this paragraph in my own language. Kindly check this and let me know if it can be improved at certain level.

The first and foremost effect of technology on people’s life is an unhealthy lifestyle. As youth is engaged with their mobile phones and laptops, they do not participate in outdoor sports games which has an adverse impact on their health. For instance, according to a medical study, it has been proven that people who sit in a one posture and tied up with technical devices are having many physical and health issues. Consequently, their health level is getting declined considerably, and they live with harmful diseases. Thus, it is clear that technology has a bad impact on people’s lifestyle and it has long term consequences.

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